What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 00:34
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She loved him until the end.
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why did i forgive my father ?
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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Comes on , in middle age.
What are some good tips for dealing with unmedicated ADHD?
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Can a bride cheat on her groom at a wedding?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My life is so biszare .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I have no regrets .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We all went to grammer schools
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im still living with it.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was in good health!
I will be 64.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But it wasn’t much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I waited trembling.
This is soul school!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When she asked me how she looked .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was seconnd youngest,
And i lived it daily.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What did i know ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I write beautiful poetry .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was 9 years of age.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Would this be the day?
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Who then, do I blame.?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I said to her
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She married twice! .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..